KING of boards
I can tell you right now that when the Queen dies it will not be Prince Charles that takes over the throne, it will be THIS BOARD! This is hands down the KING of every board there ever has been and ever will be. From sunrise to sunset it sits on a throne atop a 50cm pow-day covered mountain and all other boards bow down to it! Every other board is a peasant ploughing the fields compared to this king reigning in the castle! Don't believe me? Then let me tell you a little story.. One night I'm kicking back by the fire eating smores and drinking hot chocolate when I decide to check the forecast. The forecast says no snow which is disappointing but even so I put my head on the pillow excited that tomorrow morning I'll bomb some groomers on my Burton Trick Pilot, the biggest sender-board anyone has ever known. You want tricks? This board does it. Just strap in and point yourself towards a kicker and this board does the rest. This board is the pilot and you are the passenger. Strap in and prepare to be sent. Spins, grabs, flips, it does it all. Sorry, I'm getting distracted by visions of all the big sends I've done in the past. This one time I even did a 180 and landed it. Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, king of boards. So I go to bed ready for a day laying out turns on fresh corduroy but you'll never believe what happens next. Something jolts me awake at 6am. I look out the window and my head literally explodes. It's dumping. Not just scabby little snowflakes, I'm talking pow for days. It's an absolute powderfest out there! An absolute powderfest! There's gotta be 45cms outside with more to come. No way on planet earth I'm going back to sleep. And suddenly it hits me. Today's the day. Today is the day every other day of my life has been leading up to. Today is the day I get to experience things only a few of us on this earth are lucky enough to enjoy. I open my closest and there it is. Shining like a bright light in the darkness. Bringing hope to the world. I'm in awe. It's been sitting there waiting for a chance. Waiting quietly and humbly. It's the king of boards. It's the ORCA. I get organised, enjoy a huge pancake breakfast and then jump in my mini van and head for the resort. My local mountain is literally shaking at the sound of me coming. Avalanches are exploding everywhere. The fear of the mountain is causing earthquakes all through the rocky mountains. Why? Because the mountain knows. It can hear the low growl of my van as I drive towards it, it knows today is the day it will experience the wrath of the ORCA. I didn't expect what happened next. As I'm walking towards the lift line people start to step out of my way. People are pointing with gaping mouths and almost creating a tunnel for me. They all spread out and literally wave me to the front of the lift line. I wonder what is happening and then I realize. It's the ORCA. It's leading the way and I am its humble servant. There's practically red carpet laid out for it. Next thing I know the liftie puts a cape over me and declares me prince. ORCA is king and I am prince. And that's how it went that day. I floated. I soared. I reached heights not yet experienced by another human being. I slayed more fresh pow than has ever been slayed before. And I did it all before lunchtime. Then I ate a giant hotdog for lunch and reflected on my day. Afterwards they even gave me the keys to the resort and said come back anytime. So tomorrow I will. There's no snow in the forecast though so it's back to the Trick Pilot. Except this time I wont send, I'll just dig trenches. Trenches deep enough to go to war in.




